AJ McLean Breaks His Silence: “I Wasn’t Okay… And I Didn’t Know How to Say It”

AJ McLean has always been the bold one — the Backstreet Boys member with the wild fashion choices, the tattoos, the unmistakable voice, and the fearless stage presence. But behind the sunglasses, behind the spotlight, and behind the years of tight touring schedules, AJ carried something heavier than fame ever prepared him for.

And this week, for the first time, he decided to talk about it.

In a new interview that has sent shockwaves of empathy across social media, AJ McLean revealed the emotional and mental battles he has quietly endured after losing two of the most important people in his life: a close friend from the Backstreet Boys’ inner circle, and later, his own mother. The combination of grief, sudden loneliness, and unresolved pain, he confessed, “changed everything.”

“I wasn’t okay… and I didn’t know how to say it,” AJ admitted, his voice breaking as cameras captured a vulnerability fans rarely get to see. “I didn’t want to bring anyone down. I didn’t want to make my brothers in the group worry. I didn’t even know how to explain what was happening inside me.”

For years, fans praised AJ for his energy, his humor, his devotion to the stage — yet few knew how much darkness followed him home after the lights dimmed.

A Double Loss That Reshaped His Life

AJ described the two losses as “hits you can’t prepare for.” The passing of a close friend — someone who had traveled with the group and shared decades of memories — was the beginning of a downward emotional spiral he didn’t fully recognize at first. “It’s the kind of grief that sneaks up on you,” he said. “You tell yourself to be strong, you tell yourself you can handle it… until you realize you’re breaking in slow motion.”

Then came the loss of his mother — the person who stood beside him through every high, every relapse, every comeback, and every triumph. “Losing her,” he shared, “felt like losing the foundation beneath my feet.”

He began withdrawing emotionally. Friends noticed he was quieter. His bandmates asked if he was tired. He would smile, joke, or shrug off their concern. In reality, AJ said, he felt like he was “carrying a storm inside, but pretending to be sunshine.”

The Weight of Silent Grief

“I never wanted to worry the fans,” AJ confessed. “People look at us and think, ‘They’re strong, they’re successful, they’ve been doing this forever.’ But grief doesn’t care about your accomplishments. It doesn’t care about how many albums you’ve sold or how many concerts you’ve played.”

He described nights of sleepless anxiety, mornings when getting out of bed felt like a battle, and moments on stage when he felt like he was physically present — but emotionally somewhere far away. “I loved performing,” he said, “but there were nights when I felt like I was singing through a fog.”

Still, he kept going. He smiled in interviews. He posted updates for fans. He pushed himself forward because that’s what he thought he was supposed to do.

But ignoring his pain, he said, only made everything worse.

Choosing Honesty, Healing, and Hope

The turning point came when a friend asked him a simple question: “Are you happy?” AJ said he couldn’t answer — because for the first time, he didn’t know.

“That scared me,” he said. “I’ve always been able to say, even in tough moments, that there was joy somewhere in the middle of it all. But this time? I didn’t feel it. And that’s when I realized I needed help.”

AJ began therapy, opened up to his bandmates, and finally allowed himself to express the grief he had been suppressing for years. “Talking about it didn’t fix everything,” he admitted. “But it opened a door. And once that door opened, healing finally had room to walk in.”

Fans Respond With Overwhelming Support

Within hours of the interview’s release, thousands of fans across the world shared messages of love, support, and gratitude. Many praised AJ for his honesty, calling him “courageous,” “authentic,” and “a reminder that even our heroes hurt sometimes.”

Some fans shared their own experiences with grief. Others thanked him for making them feel less alone. A few simply wrote, “We love you, AJ.”

The outpouring moved him deeply. “I didn’t expect this,” he said. “I didn’t expect people to understand so much. But maybe grief is something we all share more than we realize.”

The Message He Wants People to Hear

AJ ended the interview with a message he hopes will reach anyone silently struggling:

“Don’t wait as long as I did. Don’t let your pain become a secret. Tell someone. Ask for help. You’re not weak — you’re human.”

His honesty marks a new chapter — not just for him, but for thousands of fans who see themselves in his story.

And for the first time in a long time, AJ says he feels hopeful.

“I’m learning to be okay,” he smiled. “One day at a time.”